Ripped by Bornholm
Cut out that beboppinī!
Get away! Aah!
Help! Help!
- Walter.! - Yes, dear?
Ow! Aah! What are you doing?
Aah! Nothing, dear!
I told you I didnīt want you playing with those dogs!
Now, get in here!
Ohh! Ahh!
- Walter.! - Yes, dear?
- Double-time.! - Yes, dumpling!
Well? Where is it?
- It? - My tutti-spumoni!
Iīm sick and tired of heavenly hash.
- Iīm sorry, dumpling. - Sorry excuse for a husband is what you are.
- Is there anything else I can do for you? - No! Yeah.
Thereīs a spoon in the garbage disposal. Get it out.
Yes, peaches.
I Wanna go to Cypress Point, Florida, this summer. Ya hear me?
Yes, my little cherry blossom.
They got a fountain of youth I wanna check out. Heh!
- Iīm stuck. - Walter, hurry up.
Yes, dear.
Aah! Iīm stuck!
Ralph, get over here and give me a hand.
Sure, Dad. Iīll give ya a hand.
Oh, no. Ohh.
Oh, my God. Ralph?
No, Ralph. No.
No! Donīt you do it!
No! No! Oh! You hurt me!
You lay a hand on that poor little boy again, and Iīll smother you in your sleep!
That poor little boy tried to grind my hand off in the garbage disposal!
Donīt you know a cry for love when you hear one?
- Love? - Daddy hates me!
Oh, donīt worry, sweetums. Mommyīs here.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. There is no inner harmony here,
no oneness with the cosmos.
We must manifest the selfness that suffuses the internal flow...
and let peace and innerness pervade our beings.
- Whereīs the Cheese Whiz? - As usual, your father forgot to go to the store.
- Whereīs the Baco Bits? - Same thing.
Canīt you remember a simple thing like Cheese Whiz?
- Iīm sorry, Mahkesh. - Ohh!
Maheshura. Maheshura!
- Iīm sorry, Maheshura. Maheshura. - Ohh, he is so pathetic.
Oh, thatīs right. Go to your precious TV.
Run to Never Never Land and shut us out as usual.
- You donīt relate, Walter.
For all you know, there might be a Mozart here...
or there could be a Shakespeare or-
or a Churchill or an Abraham Lincoln.
You donīt know Who might be in here, Walter.
I know whoīs in there. Thereīs an Attila the Hun in there. Thatīs whoīs in there.
- What did you say? - I said, "Thatīs right, hon."
Iīve just about had it, Walter. TV, TV, TV night and day.
One of these days, youīre gonna get a big surprise.
I want those control graphs, and I want them now. And if I donīt have them now, youīre history.
Yes sir, Mr. Beasley. Right away.
We need these control graphs, and we need them now. And if we donīt have them now, youīre history.
Yes, sir. Right away, sir.
I want these control graphs right away. If I donīt get them right away, you are a memory!
Yes, sir. Right away.
Do these control graphs or youīre dead.
Walter.!
- Iīm here! - Close your eyes!
Open!
Well? What do you think?
- Very nice, dumpling. - Mm-hmm!
Still a size nine.
And the whole outfit only cost me 85 bucks.
Eighty-five- Where did you ever get 85-
My television set.
What happened to my television set?
What do you think happened to it? I sold it.
How do you think I got the pumps, stupid?
But it was- It was mine.
It was mine. That was my television set!
You had no right to sell it!
That television set is ruining our sex life!
What is this?
May I help you, Mr. Poindexter?
You have fog on the floor.
just a promotional gimmick, Mr. Poindexter.
Now, how may I help you?
Oh, I, uh- I wanted to see a- A television set, of course.
I think we have something just for you.
Itīs an excellent set, quite unique.
Twenty-four inches- diagonally measured, of course-
with the patented Magic Touch remote control.
- It looks expensive. - Tish tosh, Mr. Poindexter.
Your credit is good here. Shall we load it into the car?
I guess so.
But you know my name. How did you know my name?
Oh, we make it a point to know all our customers.
Your signature, please.
- From Wicked Zits, Wyoming,
- Miss Wyoming, Yolanda Spreadwell. - Wyoming.
Sheīs got it.
From Chokachicken, North Dakota,
Miss North Dakota, Fern Mertz.
- Whereīd that come from? - I bought it.
- With what? - Credit.
Huh! Whoīd give you credit?
So, youīve been holding out on me, you low-down, lying louse.
And here I am, slaving, and what do you pull?
A private bank account- a stash!
- But, Grendel, you just donīt understand. - Oh, no?
I deserve better than this, Walter. I deserve more!
Letīs hear it for all the girls.
Please define for all of us,
what characteristics define your ideal man.
Well, my ideal man would have to be loving and warm,
and share in my lifelong dream of a world at peace.
And Iīd want to feed all the hungry people in the World, because-
- Youīre next! - Huh?
- Turn it off!. - What?
- Turn it off, Walter, or Iīll pulverize it. - No!
- I swear it. Turn it off!. - No!
- Turn it off!. - All right!
All right, all right, all right!
- Turn it off. I mean it! - Iīm gonna do it.
Iīm gonna smash it!
...and heīd also have to have a wonderful sense of humor,
because I would want to be with him all the time, all day and all night long-
to cook for him and to clean for him,
to listen to him and to learn from him.
And like Snow White, I would know my prince immediately.
All heīd have to do is kiss me.
- Me? - just once.
Mother! Mother!
B.A.īs out buying earrings, the Colonelīs out buying cigars...
and Murdockīs out of his mind.
So- So what about me, huh? I mean, what do I get to be out of?
You know, weīre supposed to be a team, an equal team.
So if theyīre out of something, then Iīm out of something.
Uh, anybody needs me, Iīll, uh, be in tonight.
Wow! Ma, youīd better see this!
- Whoa, Dad! I didnīt know you were a player. - Hey, you better get on the stick.
Um, I got the soul sisters coming over, and, uh, Iīm gonna need the space.
Oh, Walter! Find me, Walter, find me.
- Huh? - Find me, Walter, find me.
- What? - Find me. Find me, Walter.
You mean to... take you?
Thatīs it! Thatīs it! Take me, Walter.
Take me... in matrimony!
Oh!
Excuse me. Excuse me?
- What? - Time to rise and shine.
- Oh, yeah. - Itīs time for my morning beauty jog.
Well, what about breakfast?
Oh, thatīs all right, honey. You can have breakfast.
Arenīt you going to cook for me?
Cook?
Hmm.
- Mmm! - Ahh!
Oh, my goodness, Iīve overslept!
Iīve never overslept in my whole life before, Ward.
Oh, I hope you wonīt fire me.
Oh, no, June.
Breakfast will be ready in 10 minutes.
Wally! Beaver!
Time to get up! Itīs a school day!
English muffins?
Mm. No, thank you,June.
- Oh, the omelet was great, though,June. - Oh, thank you.
- Wally? - Iīll Pasadena, Ma.
- Ah! Good morning, family. How are you? - Good morning.
Good morning. Oh, itīs such a beautiful day!
Now, eat your eggs before they get cold, Beaver.
- Beaver? Whatīs she talkinī about? - I donīt know. Keeps calling me Wally.
What do you say we go up to the coast, and run a game on a couple of chicks?
Iīd love to, kid, but I got a date with a couple of felons.
Mmm.! Mom, what is this, chutney?
june. Boys.
I got something I want to say to all of you.
I-I just want you all to know that-
Oh, Whoa. Gee, What is it, Dad?
Gosh, I, uh- I wanted to say-
that, well, I canīt believe it.
You just about made me the happiest man, on this face of the earth.
Oh. Thank you, Ward.
What a dad!
Are you enjoying yourself, Poindexter?
Oh, no, sir, Mr. Beasley. I wouldnīt do that, sir. No, sir.
Good.
- Hello? - Iīm sorry to disturb you at work, Ward,
but I think you should come home right away.
- Iīm worried about Wally. - Oh, sure, June, sure.
- Side, come on, and side! - All the way! Move those legs!
Hello.! Iīm home.!
- Oh, hi, Dad. - Hello, Ward.
- Hey, whatīs going on here? - Oh, everythingīs fine.
- Didnīt happen to see the van outside, did you? - No.
- Hey, no van. - Torch it, Vito.
- This looks like a one-gallon house. - What do you mean? Whatīs going on?
Uh, well, in my line of work, Dad, there are times, when you have to stand up to lifeīs, eh, underbelly.
See, a lonely, defenseless widow asked our help, in smashing a loan-shark operation.
Unfortunately, my coverīs been exposed, unbeknownst to the rest of the A-Team.
- So you think you could help me, Dad? - You borrowed money from loan sharks?
Yeah. Actually, these guys have been pretty reasonable as far as-
collateralīs concerned.
Collateral? What do you mean? What kind of collateral?
Oh, the house, the furniture, your car.
- Come on, Dad. There must be some loot lying around here somewhere. - Iīm broke! Weīre broke!
Weīre broke, Ward? Huh.
- Hey, this is a two-gallon house. - Okay, guys. Take it away.
No.! No.! Please, no.!
Not the TV! Anything but the TV!
Now, listen. For those slim-lookinī thighs, you have to kick īem to the skies!
And one and lift. Lift.
- Six, seven. A few more. Come on. One, - Hey, how did you do that, huh?
- And whatīs with the cutie-pie, huh? -Ohh!
Better look out for Alzado. He is steaming over that call.
- That was cute, huh? - With the foot.
Hey, let me just show you something a little cuter, all right?
- No! - Good-bye!
Whereīs the quarterback? Whereīs the quarterback?
- Itīs him, right over there, the fat guy.! - Oh, me?
- The quarterback! Aah! - No, donīt!
Donīt!
Iīm gonna take your eyeballs! Iīm gonna chew on the right one!
Iīm gonna take the left one- Walter, Walter, Walter!
If you want tighter buns, youīve gotta run, run, run. You really do. Itīs great for the cardiovascular.
Now, all you have to do is just lift those legs-
Do a really good job of it.
- Things are looking good, Mom. I think the green guyīs the Colonel. - Oh.
Iīm gonna chew on the right one!
Iīm gonna take your neck and twist it around your back!
- Walter, name that tune! - Mr. Lange-
- Come on! - You can do it! Come on. Listen.
No!
You garbage, animal! Iīm gonna show you what a wimp you are...
in front of 20 million people.
Then Iīm gonna turn you over to my boys here to finish the light work!
Ahh, you like that very much!
- Stop! Stop! Stop! - Try another one!
Huh! All right.
Now, Iīm the one thatīs gonna tell you how itīs gonna be!
Walter Poindexter of Pacoima, come on down!
"Three Blind Mice" was the name of the tune.
- Walter! - You can do it.!
Sorry to come barging in. Have you seen Michael?
The car.! Take the car.!
- How dare you! - You stand to make just as much money as I do if Jasmine is successful.
Take that, sucker!
Walter, you only have 12 seconds left and seven tunes to name.
You can do it. Pay attention. Thereīs $100,000 Walter.
- Walter,you can do it.! - Stop it!
- Donīt you tell me to stop it! - Shut up!
Please, leave me alone!
Hereīs Walter!
"Hiyo.!" Mr. McMahon!
Oh, please, help me, Mr. McMahon. What do I do?
What are you asking me for? Iīm just a character on television.
Iīm not real. Go ahead. Try.
- Go ahead. Donīt be afraid. - Me, me.! Over here, over here.!
Just gimme the box now.! You see?
- Shadows. Light and shadows. - Not real.
Thatīs the whole trouble with this, Walter. None of this is real.
Thatīs right, Walter. Donīt be such a wimp, watching the boob tube all the time.
Yeah, tune us off. Tune into people like your wife and kids.
Yeah, turn it off!. Yeah, turn it off!. Turn it off!.
- Turn it off!. Turn it off!. - Turn it off.
Turn it off!. Turn it off!. Turn it off!.
- Turn it off!. Turn it off!. Turn it off!. - Iīll turn it off!. Iīll turn it off!.
Turn it off!. Turn it off!. Iīll turn it off!.
Walter.!
Walter, come to bed, please.!
Just turn off the TV for once and come to bed, please.!
Iīm lonely.
Ripped by Bornholm